just talked to yana. almost cried. spilling it ol out. kept telling myself dun regret, dun regret. then wut's this uneasy feeling? i know i can't juz walk away. i take responsibility for wut i've done. in the end, i become such a coward. afraid to face the truth. to see wut kind of future awaits me. i blame every single person in my life. and i just can't forgive myself for having this kind of feelings that i knew i'm going to have it one of these days. she said "wa, why u didn't take TESL with me r? i know it's gonna be lotsa fun. YOU are going to have lotsa fun." well yana, how can u say that? please dun make me feel more terrible than ever. i dun want to regret. not again. this is what i decide for my life. whether i really want it or not, like it or not, that's not the point. god, gimme the courage to fight this.