m gonna study hard after this

omaigod.

semalam mimpi ayah.

like seriously shit.

dah seminggu aku tak mimpi apa2. then yesterday i went jogging. then teringat pasal exam. i was scared. scared i'm gonna have to repeat. then i'll disappoint him. so last night aku study. i slept at 11 something. sebab nak bangun awal esok. bila bangun pukul 5 pagi, aku study sampai pukul 7, then i felt sleepy (blame the hot milo for it). so i went to bed, kunci jam pukul 7.30. sepanjang half an hour that i slept tulah, aku mimpi.

i was in this office, tak tahu la office apa kan. suddenly i saw a man walking towards me. belakang dia cerah, so aku tak nampak muka dia. bila makin dekat, i was like, shit. that's my dad. gila terkejut. dia pegang tangan aku nak salam, it's the salam yang perempuan buat dengan perempuan tu, you know. yang cium pipi thingy. then when u do that your bahu will tersentuh kan? so when he was trying to do that, time bahu nak tersentuh tu tiba2 he let go of my hand and walked away. i was like, HUH?

then he entered this room yang ada family aku. i thought diorang tak nampak dia. but he went to my sister and did the same thing; took her hand, trying to salam but when the shoulders nak met he stopped and went to my other sister. and i was convinced that they all saw him, but they didn't say anything.

and no. he didn't wear any white shirt with the kopiah and all. it's just a plain kemeja. the one yang warna hijau biru, the one that i recognized since he always wore that whenever there's a ceremony.

then i woke up. i stared to the ceiling. and i thanked God. i'm not sure whether i should be happy or not about this, since i couldn't figure out the meaning of the whole salam thingy. because it's so weird and awkward.

i'm just guessing though but i think he's trying to say that

HE'LL KILL ME IF I FAIL THE EXAM.

kot.

benci

lately selalu teringat ayah.

bila nak tidur.

bila tengah gelak2.

bila fail exam.

bila cakap pasal ayah orang lain.

bila teringat rumah.

bila dengar lagu p ramlee.

bila tengok kereta volvo.

lepas tu nangis. menyesal. tak sudah2.

ya. aku tahu. yang dah lepas tu lepas. orang mati tak hidup balik.

aku tahu.

maybe habit kot. suka teringat orang yang dah tak ada.

masa hidup dulu tak pernah pun nak appreciate.

rasa macam nak pergi somewhere. jauh. sorang2. nak muhasabah diri.

hate this.

#1 : my thoughts on..

Go Mi Nam - You're Beautiful

PENGKID

i'm not trying to support this kind of behavior whatsoever, but here's the thing : pengkid is much cooler and hotter than most of the guys out there. last saturday i went to sg wang. there were lotsa people, mostly chinese since 1)that's their number 1 place to hang out. and 2) it's almost chinese new year lorh, what more can u expect kan?

so anyway, i went to this baju area, and my friend was attracted to this sweater in the kedai la. so she asked for the owner. then came a slender, spiky hair, white skin with round eyes guy. i said to my friend, "dude, he's hot." my friend pun agree with me la kan. the guy took the sweater, wrapped it then gave it to my friend. when my friend asked how much was it, dia kata "30 saja maa.." with a neutral voice, as in not so girly and not so manly.

but after that, there's this girl came and peluk2 that guy, speaking chinese but i understood a bit la kan. saying things yang menunjukkan he's a girl. and i was like, "it's a SHE? FOR REAL?!"

*sigh*Go Eun Chan - Coffee Prince

but seriously. aku suka tengok pengkid. ok, that may sounded so wrong, but hey, if he(i mean she) is freaking gorgeous and hot then why not kan? i think pengkid ni tergolong dalam kalangan pondan. girls like to be friends with pondan@si lembut because mereka sangat memahami hati perempuan(like, DUH..). but we'll never consider or look at them as a guy. the same thing with pengkid. where most of us, well, i don't think most of us la kan since girls yang straight kemungkinan takut nak dekat dengan golongan pengkid ni. but some girls yang like to be friends with pengkid tu sebab pengkid berjiwa lelaki (again, like, DUH..). so apa2 hal senang cerita la maknanya.

but up until today, i never had a pengkid among my friends. tomboy tu ada la, si lembut pun ada. tapi nyah belum lagi. tapi serious, most of the pengkid are gorgeous, as in cool gila.

p/s : and hell yeah, Amber FTW!

Amber - f(x)

Amber with Yuri. i think Amber is hotter :D