Friday, August 29, 2008

the best holiday =)

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

the last 2 days were hectic for me. but still enjoyable. our reflection group planned a trip to genting. supposedly there were 8 of us going together in the same bus. but apparently sofia didn't get a permission from her mom, farah got something emergency and need to say la.. must be because of her boyfriend oredy..haha.. so yup, only 5 of us left : miss syazana, me, aainaa, qill and aufa.

oh duniaaaa!!

we're in new york, bebeh!


in cable the middle of the night?? kowaaii!!

we're eaten by the whale!!

peace yo!

in ferris wheel..bosan seyh..

yeah! we're ready!!

we're not scared!

we're flying!!

hiding behind kanak-kanak ribena..

that's me!

go kart? T_T

Qill, u got no license yet ma!

he's not hungry, miss. we were..

there.. told ya..

aainaa x ley blah..

it was hella lot of fun. the bad news is, i'm broke. i didn't get the chance to buy anything at all. god, just right when they're having the sale! but still, i enjoyed every second of it. =)

next trip? we'll see..

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

the list

Assalamualaikum w.b.t

not much to say. just a list of songs for this week (they kept changing with my mood :p).

1. wanita yang kau pilih - rossa [u're listening to it rite now]

2. lollipop - mika [aww..this song is cute]

3. yang pernah - estranged [hate andy in this vid..he looks ugly with the eyeliner]

4. owari to mirai - girugamesh [great melody]

5. tokyo - yui [luvly voice]

6. flying without wings - westlife [it's aainaa's fault cuz she kept playing the vid :D]

7. junjungan mulia - raihan [wow..nasheed?haha]

yup..i think that's it..

and, o yeah, we're going to GENTING. taraa~

Saturday, August 16, 2008

i regret

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

during my high school years, i always felt like i was in prison. i couldn't do anything that i wanted. for instance, i couldn't wear any other clothes except school uniform, baju kurung and tracksuit. and those must be followed by certain dress code. i couldn't leave that prison unless during outing on saturday, which we had to take our turn with the boys. i had to eat things that only served at dewan selera. and to eat the same lauk with nasi yg agak keras and sejuk, i must say that it was quite pathetic (haha). then i had to follow the rules, which i hate the most. like, for example i needed to attend morning assembly before 7.20 am, left the hostel during prep class, and switched off the lights at 12. plus, i was not allowed to bring my cellphone, mp3 as well as magazine (what kind of life is that?:p), and the worst, NO INTERNET!!!!! i don't how i was able to survive in that kind of life. it was so depressing that i felt i want to get out of the school right away, the sooner the better.

but right now, when i was finally free from those tight-schedule, stupid rules and all that, i started to miss them. there will be no one that can order me around to do homework, go to the mosque and leave the hostel during the prep class, sure, but without all that i felt i was getting lazier day by day.i rarely have time to sit for a moment and recite the Quran like i used to do everyday during high school. i failed to manage my own time, that i thought i performed better in high school than today. i no longer can take easy on assignment as it involves my future, not like in high school where i can just copied my friend's work if i didn't know the answer, or even worse, just left it empty without answer. everyday, i need to think of what to wear, and it bothers me so much that i used to think the government should make a uniform for students in college! ( i know, y'all won't agree with it )

plus, my money is disappearing day by day. i dont even know what i'm buying that it cost me so much to burn a hole in my pocket (well, not just a hole). i have to pay the water and electrical bills, and that includes the cost for internet, and duit untuk barang dapur ( for the beras and all that ). so basically, yeah, that cost me A LOT. i felt sorry for my mom, for having such a daughter. i'm sorry if i'm burdening you mom. i'm sorry for wasting your money. i'm sorry for not being a clever student. i'm sorry for being lazy. and i'm sorry that you have to bear with my unpredictable behaviour.

and now, i regret for not enjoying myself to the fullest during high school. i regret for being mean to my friends, which have cause them to run away from me. i regret for being so selfish. i regret for risking my future over stupid vengeance. and what i regret the most, is that, i wasn't being myself. if only i could find the time machine and turn over the time, i swear to God, i'll lead my life the best that i can.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

the art beneath it

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

This time i would like to show you some of the pictures that i got from the internet, mostly from deviantart. these pictures may look simple and empty to you, but for me the simplicity makes the art to be special. i like black and white pictures the most, cuz i think the picture will express more emotion and give a deeper meaning behind it.


Assalamualaikum w.b.t.


my name appeared right in front of my eyes on the screen.


God, i swear that's the most ridiculous statement ever. i mean, how come i got chosen? just when i'm having a good time (well, not exactly) here, i've been called to serve for the country. this is absolutely unfair. dulu aku nak masuk x pilih. mengada2 kan?? i don't have time for that la. it's not that i hate that kind of program. but now is not the right time. well, guess i have to make a surat rayuan or something. again, hontou ni mendokusa ne?(leceh kan?)

Monday, August 11, 2008

feeling annoyed and being annoyed

Assalamuaalaikum w.b.t.

have you ever felt annoyed by someone? i believe whoever haven't feel it is definitely abnormal. i used to get annoyed by this person that i felt i wanna smack her in the face, kick her butt, or maybe do something stupid and insane like stabbed her trillion times to death (reality check : i'm not that violent). why do we get annoyed by certain people? well, the reason is different for every person. i myself used to get annoyed by my parents cuz they always compared me with my cousins. that was the lamest thing that they did. so, here's some warning to all the future parents out there: DO NOT EVER COMPARE YOUR CHILDREN TO ANYONE, ESPECIALLY THEIR COUSIN. and the same thing happened when i was in my high school years, where i had this friend who always talk about boys, i mean, THE SAME BOY, who a normal girl shouldn't have any reason to date him. or even annoyed by some stupid questions, like, why do you want to go to the washroom? why do you wanna use the toothpaste? yes, i get annoyed with those kinds of things. what about you?

you always get annoyed by people around you. but have u ever thought that you are being annoyed to your pals? some people didn't realise it, some people do, but they act like nothing's wrong. here's some tips to know whether you are annoying to your pals :

  1. he/she doesn't really hear or care what you're talking about.
  2. he/she runs away everytime you are near.
  3. he/she will think of a way to avoid being in the same group or society with you.
  4. he/she act like you are invisible everytime he/she pass by.
  5. well....what's more to left? just figure it out already..duh..
so, here's a conclusion : if you felt annnoyed by that stay that way. it can't be help right? and if you are being annoyed to everyone else, look yourself in the mirror and ask : do i have the right to feel annoyed if i'm being annoyed?

Saturday, August 9, 2008

kids, marriage and family

assalamualaikum w.b.t.

Although i'm a feminist, (which i'm not quite sure about it) i'm no good when it comes to kid. I can be with them for like 10 minutes, and then i'll get bored. well, bored it's not the right word to describe the feeling actually (cuz it will make me look bad..haha). so in the end i have to put a fake smile, which i hate the most. just now there's a function/charity event organized by the student committee in my college. at first, when i saw the kids approaching us, i felt my eyes were watery. i don't know why. guess i was a bit touched by the kids, as they were disabled with the wheelchair and all that.

at first i was okay with them. but then again i have to put that stupid fake smile. i'm still thinking on how to overcome it. and all these things make me feel that marriage is out of reach. yup, i have this thought of not wanting to get married. y'all may disagree with me. but before that please give me some strong points that may convince me that marriage is something that i can relate to. means that....hurm... all i can say is that i refused to marriage because i'm afraid of giving full commitment to my family. i'm afraid that i'm not ready for it, that i won't be able to take care of my children, raise them properly, giving them the best of life, you know, stuff like that.

plus, i'm afraid of giving birth. HA! statement paling x ley blah. unbelievable yet indescribable. aku fobia ngan luka2, kulit terkoyak. on me of course, not on others. if not, i won't stay in cucms anymore la. gawd, i'm so traumatic towards this building-up-the-family thing (seriously, if my mom knows about this, i'll be dead already). i'm far from materialistic nor workaholic, so you can't assume that i prefer to concentrate on my work instead of my family. although i like to be alone by myself, but that doesn't mean it's FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. god, i'll bore to death already.

well, actually i think what fears me the most is that i don't want my kids to be like me. i'm not a good daughter, and my family is not like in the cheaper by the dozen nor in kimora lee simmons, where they all get along with each other. so basically i don't want my relationship with my children to be like my family, where the only thing that's missing is communication. cuz once you lost it in your family, then....well, you know what i'm talking about right..

so in the end, do i choose not to get married? i leave it to you, the Almighty God.. Amiin..

Friday, August 8, 2008

bear with my words

Assalamualaikum w.t.b.

My first blog. After 2 years. I can't promise to always update my blog from time to time. After all, being a future medical student really kills my life. Yup, that was straight from the heart. As the title itself, bear with me for i am not really good with english, first of all. So there'll be some grammatical error (which i'll deal with it later). Also, you can't expect my words to be polite and full of beautiful words as i'm not a poet as well as reese witherspoon in legally blond (omg, she's so cute). THE FEMINIST. There's a lot of meaning behind that. But don't worry cuz i'm not that eager to be like one. So, think twice before you decide to judge me (whatever it is that came across your mind about it.haha). So, have fun !