Saturday, November 29, 2008

please don't regret

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

just talked to yana. almost cried. spilling it ol out. kept telling myself dun regret, dun regret. then wut's this uneasy feeling? i know i can't juz walk away. i take responsibility for wut i've done. in the end, i become such a coward. afraid to face the truth. to see wut kind of future awaits me. i blame every single person in my life. and i just can't forgive myself for having this kind of feelings that i knew i'm going to have it one of these days. she said "wa, why u didn't take TESL with me r? i know it's gonna be lotsa fun. YOU are going to have lotsa fun." well yana, how can u say that? please dun make me feel more terrible than ever. i dun want to regret. not again. this is what i decide for my life. whether i really want it or not, like it or not, that's not the point. god, gimme the courage to fight this.

Friday, November 28, 2008


i wanna get out of here.

i'm tired of this.

i'm so sick of it.

i wanna go home.

when can i have one week leave????????????

p/s : i'm not homesick, even though the title says so.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

good vs bad

people are so DAMN selfish.
pretending like they're all that,
being an ANGEL in front of others,
but the truth is they are just like anybody else.

this is why i hate GOOD people.
cuz they are so fake,
so fake like u wanna smack their stupid oh-i'm-a-good-girl face.

this is why i prefer BAD people.
cuz they are already bad, people knows it,
so they don't have to pretend anymore.
....also TO HELL WITH IT.

in the end, i just don't have anybody to trust anymore.

these people are so DEM selfish.

and why am i not surprised?

Saturday, November 22, 2008

gory times

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

i used to express my feelings through poems and sketches. well, but not most of them came from what i really bella said, "tambah lauk je.." XD

i felt so terrible at that moment. i just moved into the school, and i dunno what happened. all of em started to tease me, or should i say bully me, but not physically of course. and it's all because of a misunderstanding.

i was quite 'emo' at that time. trying to find myself lost in sumwhere. when i think about it again, i felt it was kinda funny for me to draw somethin like this. saiyyaku da ne~

this one came from when i felt that i didn't fit in to this community. like i was not welcomed with warm hands. and oso when i had my stupid-low-self-esteem thingy. like a lil snail in a shell. no. turtle is better. yeap, like a lil turtle in a shell.

this is my first drawing. actually, i didn't mean to take this seriously. i was at the library at that moment. then i got bored, reached out a paper and drew a girl. then my hands just scribbled the words next to the girl. the first line is actually a piece of lyrics from a song that i oredy forgot. then i continued from there, expressing myself a bit. and starting from this drawing, i'd been labelled as an 'emo' girl, just because i wrote 'I AM EMO' at the bottom. huh~great.

i drew this one when i was having an examination. probably chemistry paper. then i finished early, not because i knew ol of d answer. i just dunno what to write anymore. lol. then i put my hand on the paper, drew the line along the shape of my hand. i didn't even know why i wrote 'I DON'T LOVE YOU'. probably because i was crazy about MCR at that moment. and i added some words, some came from my heart, some of it i got from the lyrics. and this drawing is my favorite.

however, i still want to say that I AM NOT EMO. and i don't wanna be emo. screwed emo. to hell with emo. "EMO IS GAY", nana said. emo is pathetic. emo is.... alien. haha.

Friday, November 21, 2008

what they say

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

people say, i'm expressionless.
i say, maybe. sometimes. but not always.

people say, i hate men.
i say, i used to.

people say, i'm anti-social.
i say, yes, if there's adam hanging around.

people say, i'm hot-tempered.
i say, only if the situation asked for it.

people say, i'm mysterious.
i say, that's if u don't know me well.

people say, i have a lot of secrets.
i say, secrets keep me secure.

people say, i like weird stuff.
i say, it's weird for u because u don't explore the life.

people say, i'm heartless.
i say, u're half-wrong, half-correct.

people say, i don't smile a lot.
i say, i don't want to put on a fake one.

people say, i'm a fake.
i say, do i look like i care?

people say, i always feel regret.
i say, yes. and that feelings boost me to another level.

people say, i don't have a man in my life.
i say, i have two. MY FATHER. MY LATE-BROTHER.

people say, i'm stubborn.
i say, that's one thing i can't change about me.

people say, i always keep everything to myself.
i say, because i don't trust anybody.

people say, i'm pathetic.
i say, thank u very much.

Monday, November 17, 2008

one in a million voice

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

as usual, another fantastic live from ACID BLACK CHERRY.

haizz.. i wish i knew the title of this song.. :((

prologue end. although i dunno what it's about, but it's definitely a touching performance.

fuyuu no maboroshi. yaah~almost cried on this one.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

the fall of the green kingdom

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

i was there. on the sports day. pretty unbelievable for those who know me well. but this time around was not like the previous one. we started with jogathon. dem exhausting but hey, at least i got points right? then we had football and futsal matches. it was kinda boring coz it seems that everybody lacked of team spirit. and again, my team lost. i felt like it's a karma. like i brought the bad luck to every sports house that i was in. (dunno if my sentence is correct or not) but we did have fun, with bella singing hindustani songs. haha.

bella perasan cun. hehe.

peace people :p

penat ea sophie ?

where's the red one ah?

ahh~tired gile.

Friday, November 14, 2008

what happiness means to me

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

after bio class today, i stayed back at foundy. the real reason was to finish my lab report. so when i started typing the procedure, syafiqah came over and asked about ACID BLACK CHERRY. for those who know me, surely they know what i'll do next. hehe.

when it came to ABC, i went crazy like i've just been injected with this hyperactive virus. then we ended up talking about it, laughing about the 'gay'ness of the visual keis, hypnotized by the awesomeness of yasu's voice as well as his kawaii yet ridiculously kakkoi face, fantasizing on how hot tora from alice nine is, etc. etc. etc.

and then we moved on to anime's topic. like, how gorgeous vampire knight's main character is, whether i should watch xxxholic or not, bla bla bla. i can talk anything about japan, especially their music, dramas, animes as well as fashion 25 hours nonstop. yeap, see how crazy i am when it comes to things that i like. well, like hachiko from nana said, suki tte! and i felt so happy talking to her, after so long not having the feelings.

just now we had a gotong-royong. phew, that was dem exhausting. and now here i am in front of this screen thinking of what should i do next, since i don't have the mood to do my lab report, as well as revising for biology. plus i'm getting worried about tomorrow's event, afraid the so-called history is going to be repeated again.

me, farah and aufa went to bella's house just now. hihi. she's hilarious. we gossipped, ate jambu, drank milo made by evie, watched bella moves in video (again!haizz..) and i copied 'the hills have eyes' from bella's laptop. huhu dunno when will i have time for that.

the truth is : i'm extremely bored.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

listen to me

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

the drama thingy, i don't think i can do it.
zettai ni.
it's just not fit for me.
but will they listen to me if i tell them about it?
i don't think so.
they probably will hate me, talk about it behind my back.
and it's normal for girls.

whether you're their friend or not.

god, how i hate this uneasy feeling.

p/s : if u don't like reading my blog since all i did was nagging, complaining, and criticizing, then back off. cause i don't need u.

and snackhouse is getting annoying day by day.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

i'm annoyed by secondhand serenade

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

this week is soooo not myself. dunno why. perhaps because of the menstruation thingy. or maybe my mind is sooo messed up lately. n probably because i'm worried about 'the killers', u know, since i need to memorize the script. and i'm not good with de whole memorizing thingy. me having dis kind of feeling, urm, like afraid i'll screw up everything. n wit dis people acting so weird around me. i wonder if it's just me or they did acting so...erm...impossible. n now i dunno what i'm blabbering about.supposedly i'm reading bio slide, with da krebby cycle thing, bread making, ol dis food terms make me hungry eh. n everytime i call d snackhouse, i heard dis annoying caller ringtone :

because tonight will be the night
that i will fall for u..
over again..

haizz najwa, omae, aho ka?

tabun ne....

Monday, November 10, 2008

it's my right

tell me.

is it wrong to hate someone?

Saturday, November 8, 2008

mercy on me

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

my Lord,

i'm worried sick.

there's something about me that had confused myself.

if it's true, then i've sinned. and will forever be sinned.

if i didn't admit it, i'll still be thinking about it till i get the final answer.

to choose or not to choose.

to admit or not to admit.

to be or not to be.

this is a big dilemma.

i don't want to admit it but i'm afraid it'll turn out even worse.

there's only one solution to this.

but if do that, i will still be sinned.

so the result is the same.



In the name of Allah, The Mercy giving, The Merciful.

Praise be to Allah, the Lord of universe.
The Mercy giving, The Merciful.
Ruler of the Day of Repayment.
You do we worship, You do we call on for help.
Guide us to the truth and along the right path.
The path of those whom You have favored, not with whom You are angry nor who are lost.

help us.
keep our prayer.
you are our protector.
guide us closer to a proper behavior.
and shelter us from evil.
our Lord,
forgive us for our sins and forgive our parents for their sins.
show us mercy.
give us something fine in this world as well as something fine in the hereafter.
and shield us from torments of hell.


still can't get over it

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

it's been a while since i last talked about my daily routine.

yesterday, urm.. dunno how to describe it lor. we got chemistry presentation. the others performed very well. my group? well lets just say that we deserved what we got.


right after that we went home. and i headed straight to cimb bank in mmu. i took out 100 and i dunno why suddenly i wanna spent em all right away.bengom gile anak x bersyukur langsung aku ni kan. so i went to the kedai runcit and bought some not so important stuff that it cost me 20. then i bought nasi ayam and watermelon juice. i wasn't really hungry actually. but i bought em anyway. then when i came home, my housemate asked me if i wanted to go to alamanda to watch movie. then i asked her, who else is going? she said a, b, you and me. so i thought hey, why not? it's gonna be the four of us and we're gonna have some fun!

but here comes the problem.

just when we're about to enter the car, i heard b is talking to a guy, who apparently would be joining us. and i didn't know that.

so i thought, ok relax, maybe it's just one or two of em. so it's not that of a big deal right?

as soon as we got there, i realized that all the boys in my classroom as well as another two guys from the other classroom were there to join us. and it's too late to turn back.


ya see, i thought i could deal with this situation. i just don't know why i'm so uncomfortable if even there's just one guy joined us. and it doesn't matter who that guy is. as long as it's a GUY, then i'm not gonna be myself anymore.

it's not that i'm worried about my appearance, or it's someone that i have a crush for or anything. i just don't like it.

so that's why when they went to the pizza to eat, i decided not to join them and went for a walk instead.

and o yeah i went to mph to check out some books, instead i bought a Quran.

yes, a Quran people. this najwa bought a Quran instead of manga, anime and japanese dvd. i must have sinned a lot lately.

after that we went to the arcade. i played house of the dead with put. i've always been a fan of that game. u think i'm a freak? whatever. it' none of ur business anyway.

then we went to watch the movie. i didn't know what movie i was going to watch until it started. it's james bond : quantum of solace. and may i say, i nearly fell asleep as it's the most boring action films that i've ever watched. yeap, my dad won't be happy to hear this one. (he's a big fan of james bond)

after that we went straight home. i slept at 2 since i watched jigoku shoujo mitsuganae. (if u don't know what is that, it's an anime. jigoku shoujo means hell girl, mitsuganae means, erm, something saying that it's the third season)

and FYI, i'm currently watching 7 animes at a time.

yeap i know, anime freak.

but whatever.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

a better future

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

AH! how i'm glad he won the seat. let's just pray he will keep to his promises, especially when he said that he's gonna stop the war in IRAQ. that's what i'm looking forward to.

Monday, November 3, 2008

d gud ole' days

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.


ko syada :

weh. lamo x dgr kaba dih? guano demo sano dok bumi unto? beyeh sokmo kow? ngaji molep la dih. jange wi jadi supow aku nih. tok tau la jadi ore ko dorp. haha.. do'oh pulok bunyik dih? aku nok oyak bendo ko mu nih. dop tau r mu baco kow dop. arap2 mu baco. aku x ghajin mitok maaf nga mu. doh la aku banyok wat saloh nga mu. mu tau2 la aku ni ganow. kerah pedal cket kalo main nga kakah (amik ayat cikgu jeme..haha) goni gak. aku pehe sangat la time mu sero nga aku tu. sajo jah wat2 tok tau.hehe. taim bez maso kecek bodo2 nga mu. aku pom x pehe kecek gapo bena. wat lolok pehe jah. taim skali nga najaa besh jugok. kecuali taim mu kecek pasa haikal. hok tu jenuh skali aku nok dengar. haha..

ko ruhil :

ore pom nok mitok maaf nga ruhil. banyok etek duk ngupat. haha. brigat pulok doh! tapi gak syada masuk geng skali. hahahaha (jange maroh syada). sero b'saloh jugok bena sbb ruhil sokmo wat baek nga ore. hehe. pah ore wat tok laye. jahat gilow dih? supo x kenal ore lagu manow. meme jahat sokmore.. taim bez maso gi jale2 beli goreng pise nga air nyo, pah gi tma, pah taim kecek pasa ainuddin. haha. lucu r..

ko yana :

ni so lagi nok mitok maaf nih. hok ni spatot duk atah skali ni. mugo banyok dooh etek wat saloh. sokmo keno buli. baru ni jah keno ngenak. haha. sory r slamo ni duk wat x laye, wat bodo jah kalo yana kecek. sayo kade2 sajow wat gitu. sedak etek ngenak ore. haha. meme jahat sngoti dih? taim bez skali maso duk ngapal lagu bi nga kecek pasa hana kimi. hhaaha. muko besu gilo maso tu. lucu mbe. haha.

ko kutie:

kutie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! windu r ko mu. haha. mu pom supo la. mitok maaf jugok. tringat maso kito duk skali maso form 3 nga form 4. lucu r mu. haha. sokmo keno maroh nga aku. tu la wat muko sedo sangat. sapo tok benge. hihi. paling tok tehe bilo taim aku maroh mu dok senyap ketok jah. spo duk sbloh rimau. hahaaha. mu sdap kali keno ngenak kat ku. x dop respon etek. hihi..

ko merah :

sifu!!!!!! nih sore ni. tapi aku sero mu hok keno mitok maaf nga aku. dop gitu eh? hehe. dop2. gurau jah. ak x tau r maso mano mu sero nga aku. mu pom supo kutie etek. x dok feeling. haha. mekasih la taim mu tolong2 aku tuh. meme aku x key lupo r. arigatou sifu!!taim bez maso gi tusyen, go jale2 pasar sena, maso klas tambahan form 3, maso baloh nga ustazah( ganah gilow maso tu.. tabik r), pah maso duk ngupak ko nini. hahahaa.

ko pipah :

mu mesti rimas gilow dih maso duk nga aku dulu. brehi nok ngaju etek. ahha.. taim bez maso ngenak mu nga puyuk, kecek skali ngan ikhwan (aku rindu r ko dio), hias kelas taim drjah 6, kecek2, gi umoh mu, ngupat nga raidilllah. haha. lucu mbe hok tu tuh. sory r kalo aku wat saloh deh??

ko yuni :

kalo aku ado wat mu sero aku mitop maaf deh?taim drjah 6 dulu meme mu ado sero nga aku. aku tau bena la. hehe. again, aku wat bodo jah. pah naik form 4 tu kalo mu sero aku sombong tu, sory r. buke agah, aku x beso jah mugo lamo x jupo mu etek. mm.. taim bez maso skali nga pipah, maso tusyen smart reader, stay up lam study room, hehe. maso ngenak mu nga ayeh. aku doa mu bahagio la nga yo deh??? hihii..

there you go. i apologize to all my closest friends. ya happy? ;p

Sunday, November 2, 2008

the moment of truth

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

some facts about me~

  1. i'm scared of balls. so the only sports that i can play is badminton. and i suck at it.
  2. i like to talk to myself. it may sounds weird, but it boosts my confidence. but of course i won't do it in front of other people..
  3. i liked to collect toys when i was a kid. and most of them are batman, superman, kamen rider, and power rangers. barbie? i only have one. and it's already broken in just a week.
  4. i used to be quite a 'tomboy'. during raya, i bought boy's shoes, the second day of raya i didn't wear baju kurung but jeans and shirt instead.
  5. if i were to be given a role in a play, i'd choose to be a bad guy/gangster. cuz it's fun :p
  6. but i won't take the role cuz i got a stage fright. bummer :(
  7. i fantasize things a lot. like, what would happen if i do this, do that, bla bla bla.. and of course none of them came true anyway..
  8. i don't like to share my problems/secrets with anyone. if i had one, i'll make sure that nobody knows it. and that includes my family as well.
  9. my hands will tremble if i got angry over something, hold some heavy stuff, and when i'm on stage. i wonder if it's Parkinson thing..
  10. i don't really like when people try to take a picture with me cuz i had to smile, for like 10 seconds and it's tiring. plus i'm not really good in smiling.
  11. i used to be afraid to sleep in the dark. when my sister wasn't at home, i didn't switched off the lights until morning.
  12. i can be really brave and a scaredy-cat at the same time. i'm brave enough to walk alone in the middle of the night, but i'm scared to go downstairs cuz it's dark.
  13. the only vegetables that i can eat:carrot, cabbage,mushroom and the small corn (dunno what it's called). and they must be made into a soup only.
  14. i'm bad at asking forgiveness and forgiving people. so sometimes i just act like nothing happened.
  15. i changed according to who i befriended with.
  16. i can't look at the person straight to their eyes when i'm talking to em. so i'll end up with my eyes looking on the wall, the ceiling, my shoes..
  17. i'm far from racism and i hate when people starts to blame someone's race.
  18. i'll cry when i watch sad movies, can't find things that i'm looking for, when i'm angry with someone, failed in test, feeling left out, blablablaba.. but i'm not a crybaby.
  19. the only fluffy stuff that i have : mashimaro in a graduation hat holding a scroll. and it's not fluffy at all.
  20. i can sit in front of the pc 24 hours nonstop if i'm watching japanese drama, j-rock concert, and of course anime.
i tag whoever read this. list out some facts about you. it's gonna be fun :)