m gonna study hard after this

omaigod.

semalam mimpi ayah.

like seriously shit.

dah seminggu aku tak mimpi apa2. then yesterday i went jogging. then teringat pasal exam. i was scared. scared i'm gonna have to repeat. then i'll disappoint him. so last night aku study. i slept at 11 something. sebab nak bangun awal esok. bila bangun pukul 5 pagi, aku study sampai pukul 7, then i felt sleepy (blame the hot milo for it). so i went to bed, kunci jam pukul 7.30. sepanjang half an hour that i slept tulah, aku mimpi.

i was in this office, tak tahu la office apa kan. suddenly i saw a man walking towards me. belakang dia cerah, so aku tak nampak muka dia. bila makin dekat, i was like, shit. that's my dad. gila terkejut. dia pegang tangan aku nak salam, it's the salam yang perempuan buat dengan perempuan tu, you know. yang cium pipi thingy. then when u do that your bahu will tersentuh kan? so when he was trying to do that, time bahu nak tersentuh tu tiba2 he let go of my hand and walked away. i was like, HUH?

then he entered this room yang ada family aku. i thought diorang tak nampak dia. but he went to my sister and did the same thing; took her hand, trying to salam but when the shoulders nak met he stopped and went to my other sister. and i was convinced that they all saw him, but they didn't say anything.

and no. he didn't wear any white shirt with the kopiah and all. it's just a plain kemeja. the one yang warna hijau biru, the one that i recognized since he always wore that whenever there's a ceremony.

then i woke up. i stared to the ceiling. and i thanked God. i'm not sure whether i should be happy or not about this, since i couldn't figure out the meaning of the whole salam thingy. because it's so weird and awkward.

i'm just guessing though but i think he's trying to say that

HE'LL KILL ME IF I FAIL THE EXAM.

kot.

benci

lately selalu teringat ayah.

bila nak tidur.

bila tengah gelak2.

bila fail exam.

bila cakap pasal ayah orang lain.

bila teringat rumah.

bila dengar lagu p ramlee.

bila tengok kereta volvo.

lepas tu nangis. menyesal. tak sudah2.

ya. aku tahu. yang dah lepas tu lepas. orang mati tak hidup balik.

aku tahu.

maybe habit kot. suka teringat orang yang dah tak ada.

masa hidup dulu tak pernah pun nak appreciate.

rasa macam nak pergi somewhere. jauh. sorang2. nak muhasabah diri.

hate this.

#1 : my thoughts on..

Go Mi Nam - You're Beautiful

PENGKID

i'm not trying to support this kind of behavior whatsoever, but here's the thing : pengkid is much cooler and hotter than most of the guys out there. last saturday i went to sg wang. there were lotsa people, mostly chinese since 1)that's their number 1 place to hang out. and 2) it's almost chinese new year lorh, what more can u expect kan?

so anyway, i went to this baju area, and my friend was attracted to this sweater in the kedai la. so she asked for the owner. then came a slender, spiky hair, white skin with round eyes guy. i said to my friend, "dude, he's hot." my friend pun agree with me la kan. the guy took the sweater, wrapped it then gave it to my friend. when my friend asked how much was it, dia kata "30 saja maa.." with a neutral voice, as in not so girly and not so manly.

but after that, there's this girl came and peluk2 that guy, speaking chinese but i understood a bit la kan. saying things yang menunjukkan he's a girl. and i was like, "it's a SHE? FOR REAL?!"

*sigh*Go Eun Chan - Coffee Prince

but seriously. aku suka tengok pengkid. ok, that may sounded so wrong, but hey, if he(i mean she) is freaking gorgeous and hot then why not kan? i think pengkid ni tergolong dalam kalangan pondan. girls like to be friends with pondan@si lembut because mereka sangat memahami hati perempuan(like, DUH..). but we'll never consider or look at them as a guy. the same thing with pengkid. where most of us, well, i don't think most of us la kan since girls yang straight kemungkinan takut nak dekat dengan golongan pengkid ni. but some girls yang like to be friends with pengkid tu sebab pengkid berjiwa lelaki (again, like, DUH..). so apa2 hal senang cerita la maknanya.

but up until today, i never had a pengkid among my friends. tomboy tu ada la, si lembut pun ada. tapi nyah belum lagi. tapi serious, most of the pengkid are gorgeous, as in cool gila.

p/s : and hell yeah, Amber FTW!

Amber - f(x)

Amber with Yuri. i think Amber is hotter :D

death list

suddenly thought of this while 'reading' microbiology notes.

IN CASE IF I DIE :

- my password for emails is m**********. (it's in my phone, go get it)
- my password for laptop is taeyang.
- please don't delete the songs, videos and pictures in my laptop and cellphone because i love them to death. yes. TO DEATH.
- please don't throw away my cds. i earned them susah nak mati ouh -_-".
- you can throw my clothes. or wait, no. BURN THEM.
- now that you know my password, tell all my friends in facebook, friendster and ym about my death. and that i'm sorry. whatever the reason is.
- if you have time, sedekahkan al-fatihah/yassin for me. i would sincerely appreciate that.
- i love ********. there, i've said it. (it's not in my phone.HA-HA)
- to kak nanie : i'm sorry i was being such a jerk.
- and lastly, please forgive my mistakes and attitude. i can't help being such an asshole sometimes.

meleis

actually aku dah penat nak cakap pasal ni.

kenapa kan, manusia sekarang suka menunjuk2 yang dia ada secret. especially secret yang dia tak nak kamu tahu. dah namanya secret kan, yang kau make it so obvious tu kenapa? aku manusia. normal. aku ada curiosity. mestilah aku tertanya2, nak tahu apa secret tu. bukan la aku ni busy body, tapi aku tak suka dibiar tergantung. tak paham. terpinga2. so lain kali if you have something that you don't want to tell me, don't show it. ini nampak macam lagi samdol ada la.

huh. emo2. dah lama tak emo.

tadi tengok ju-on. sengal. tak takut tu satu hal. kelakar pulak dah hantu dia. storyline memang confuse, standard cerita jepun la kan. the ghosts are like, hurm, i dunno la. maybe sebab dah banyak cerita ju-on yang aku tengok, so aku dah immune dengan hantu2 dia.

lately sangat addicted dengan obefiend. suka troll the meleis. bagus2. to be honest i used to be one of this meleis. tapi lepas baca blog dia, terus tukar status. upgrade sikit. hehe. kool la obe. :D

ok. microbiology is waiting. as usual. and crap. haven't read anything for tomorrow's lab. -_-"

K-Rock

k-rock. tak ada beza sangat pun dengan k-pop. except yang diorang in a band, playing instrument. tapi tak rock pun. but ok la kalau nak layan.


TRAX




CN BLUE

bajet

susahnya orang ber'bajet' ni.

bajet bagus.
bajet cun.
bajet terer.
bajet kaya.
bajet kurus.
bajet diri gemuk walaupun skeding macam papan. anorexic. sick.

orang bajet sangat boleh bond dengan orang sama perangai dengan dia.
gila terbaeeeek.

mana2 aku pergi ada je orang bajet. it's like i am destined to live with them.

o lord, jauhkan aku daripada manusia2 bajet ini.
amin.

conflict

hari ni aku nak cakap pasal konflik.

aku dan microbes.

first day for microbes block : sangat stress. too much to handle. i like the workbook. seriously. aku suka buat exercises dalam tu. tapi aku tak suka hantar. leceh. aku buat kerja pun tak ikhlas. tak termasuk lagi dengan MCQ, mind map, scl. yang ni kene submit esok, yang tu kena pass up next week. ugh, tak ada yang lagi sistematik ke? i don't hate the lecturer. i never will. after all she's my mentor. but i wish she could be more.. em.. considerate?

aku dan manusia sosial.

sejak masuk cucms ni macam2 jenis mamalia aku jumpa. singa, gajah, badak, musang, biawak. macam zoo. setiap mamalia tu macam2 perangai. ada yang lidah bercabang, muka tembok, otak tembus, muka setengah masak tapi bajet cun, dan seumpamanya. and sometimes aku pun termasuk golongan2 itu (sometimes je ok). contoh paling senang:

case 1 : si manis.

jenab merupakan wanita yang diidami oleh 98.9% jejaka single mahupun mereka yang muka macam bapak orang. di kampungnya, dia dikenali dengan perangainya yang lemah lembut, sopan santun, bijak pandai, dan senyuman yang semanis aspartame. tapi hakikatnya, di luar dia tidak ada bezanya dengan minah2 kota pada waktu malam.

case 2 : si alim.

maimon terkenal dengan sifat alimnya. dia tidak pernah meninggalkan rumah tanpa baju yang menutup aurat, lengkap bertudung labuh ke lutut dan sarung kaki serta.. er.. ape tu.. handsock? tapi perangai : *sigh. minah clubbing pun tak ada sampai 3, 4 boyfriend dalam satu masa. erm, kes ni lebih kurang dengan case 1. bezanya case 1 minah tu lagi lawa, dan tak alim. dan minah tu ada 2 boyfriend je.

case 3 : si talam 2 muka.

among her friends, combi sangat baik. senyum tak pernah lekang, bijak, dan peramah. tapi bila balik rumah, perangai berpusing 360 darjah. totally opposite. pikir pasal diri : study, got A, then study, got A again. hal rumah? lain la kalau kau bawak orang gaji kan. tak kisahla dia tolong kemas. eish!!!

*disebabkan case 3 ni agak emo, so tak boleh continue. nanti TERbagitau cerita sebenar.

aku dan okaa-san.

aku jarang call mak aku. sebabnya aku tak tahu nak cakap apa. tiap2 kali dia call dia akan tanya benda yang sama, and jawapan aku pun sama. tak sampai seminit dah hang up.

aku dan cousin.

aku sendiri pun tak faham apa masalah antara kami.almost everyday jumpa tapi masing2 ego tak nak speak up. sampai bila nak jadi macam ni pun aku tak tahu.

aku dan aku.

kadang2 aku tak faham apa yang aku nak. aku rasa aku dah ada semua. tapi still lacking somewhere. and i don't know what that is. aku kata kat orang aku nak jadi psychiatrist. betul ke? or sebab aku tak minat jadik doktor bidang2 lain sebab melibatkan science, teknologi, bla bla bla..
yes, i took medical and yet i'm not interested in science. see? that's my conflict.


ok actually ada banyak lagi nak cerita tapi malas nak taip. sejak masuk alam microbes ni segala benda dah buat aku jadi malas.