i had this conversation with my friend just now:
"have you ever felt empty in your life?"
"i have this kind of feeling lately."
"maybe u haven't found a real best friend yet."
when i felt the emptiness in me, i thought really hard about it. lately, i always went for a walk at midnight, searching for something that i didn't even know. i didn't care about the dangers of walking alone in the middle of the night in a place that doesn't reflect your country, since there were so many foreigners and indonesians mostly. i stopped at the playground not very far from my house, sat on the swing and stared to the sky. IT'S EMPTY. there's not even a single star appeared. i didn't know why suddenly i felt i wanna cry. but i couldn't. coz my heart was so empty that i wasn't able to express my feelings.
one of the things that i asked from God in my prayer is to have a REAL best friend. i prayed so hard that i ended up crying in the end. but now, i don't know if i still have the same courage like i used to have. it's not that i have lost faith in You. The Almighty God. but to be in this situation has made me weaker. i'm lost in a world that i put a lot of trusts, a lote of hopes and a lot of dreams. where can i finally see a star in my place? where can i find a big shady tree to put all the stress away? Ya Allah, sesungguhnya hambaMu ini sangat lemah. Aku tidak mampu melawan takdirMu. Jika inilah ketentuanMu untukku, aku terima qada' dan qadarMu.