a battle

just came back from home in kelantan.


*sigh*


where should i start..


i was shocked to see my dad. he looked so thin. badan macam tinggal rangka. i would mistook him for my tuk ayah (grandfather) you know. seriously. the whole body was like being burnt, due to the effect of radiotherapy.

i'm so sorry.

i'm sorry that i didn't go near you. it's because if i look at you, i will cry. and i don't want you to see me cry. cuz you will cry too. and when you cry, it will only burden you more. so that's why i can only see you from far. i felt guilty for doing that. i may seems heartless, but i'm battling inside as well. i'm considering about lots of things. it's not that i don't want to give my parents a call, but i just don't want to think about what happen. cuz if i do, i will cry, and cry, and cry. what can i get from crying? it won't solve my problem, nor it will cure my father. and i even cry right now while saying this.

may God forgive me. and may He brings back health to my father. Amiin.